Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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