hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
