what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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