i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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