So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
