tell your sister to shave her snatch
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
