I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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