Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She bit a glass in half.
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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