i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
