you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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