I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
