he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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