We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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