he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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