i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
