he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
