how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
