This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
