I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We talked him into tasing himself.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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