i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
