The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
