somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize