Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
