I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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