he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
