This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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