Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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