She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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