I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He kissed a someone with a penis
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
