The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.