her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona