Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.