During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.