i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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