I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
