I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
