Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
