so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
