grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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