You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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