i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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