Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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