apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
