Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He shit in the fireplace
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