everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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