I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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