Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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