he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
