im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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