THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
