I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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