if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
