I wish you could order shots online.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
