I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
