We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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