i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
