I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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