Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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