At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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