Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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