Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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