so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
