On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
