I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
