i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
