THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
